I’m hear to confess

Forgive me, as it has been 341 days since my last blog post.  As my penance I will try to post more and bore you less.  It’s really shocking to have spent the last 15 minutes figuring out the last time I posted here.  I’m bothered by the fact that it’s been so long, but happy that Meaghan has continued to get healthier each day and has kept you up to date.  I will confess that I originally stepped back from adding entries here as I wanted Meaghan to express herself as it really is her journey.  Sure I am part of it and am present and a passable form of transportation.  But you are here to hear (did that right) from her.  Recently, she has been pushing me to get back into it, so here I am.  
It’s frankly been so long since I posted that I don’t even know where to start.  The last 341 days have been a blur in many ways.  As I mentioned in one of my early posts here, life goes on and things get in the way.  Fortunately for us, Meaghan’s continued improvement has allowed us to not be continually focused on her treatments and more focused on living our lives.  Sure the days may be too filled with me working or Meaghan’s invented personal projects, but hell that beats having a cancer battle consume every minute of your thoughts – and for that were are fortunate and very grateful.  Since I have last posted we have been nearly all the way around the world, visited our families multiple times, attending weddings, tried to keep up with new babies being born (seriously, slow down.  we can’t keep track.  Just because it’s cold doesn’t mean you can’t find something else to do with you time.  You all know who you are), survived the polar vortex, joined twitter (follow @mpcampbel if you want to see one retweet of an article I was quoted in and exactly nothing else!) and got back to somewhat “normal” life – whatever that is for us now in this new reality.  It’s interesting to sit as I type this to think about how I haven’t been as drawn to post here as things have improved with Meaghan’s health. At the same time I have struggled with getting back to “normal” and going about things as if the last 17 months haven’t happened.  Because they did and they were rough.  So now we are back to “better” times where at least I am not consumed with concern for Meaghan’s health 24/7.  Then when I realize I’m not it’s easy to feel guilty about not thinking about her enough.  Unfortunately I have experienced these types of feelings before (back in 2000-2001) and while I’m older, supposedly wiser and definitely fatter, I don’t think I necessarily got better at handling that “letting go”.  But I’m working through it and will be better off for it and that’s a much better place to be than being concerned for Meaghan every waking moment.

Ok…too serious.  We are going to a few different comedy shows this week so I can compare my amateur talents to those on stage.  In my dreams I imagine working this whole “cancer caregiver” role into some type of comedy routine or book or movie or something.  We went to a “storytelling” show where comics told a true story for 5-10 minutes.  I have a few of those just from this blog.  This comedy thing isn’t that hard (sarcasm intended).  Then I realize that I have no marketability so instead I’ll share things here.  I’m sure I missed writing about a thousand amusing moments over the last 341 days, but a recent one that stuck in my head just occurred last Wednesday, a day we spent at UCSF with a number of follow up/pre-surgery appointments.  When the young resident doctor was measuring Meaghan’s arms (to confirm no swelling since her last visit), he asked if she was right handed – a compliment of sorts since she is left handed.  So she felt the need to explain that she is somewhat ambidextrous and uses her right arm for many things, and decided to explain that her right arm is pretty strong “probably from shooting baskets”.  Now, this may seem innocuous to you, but I nearly did a spit take with my coffee because I believe I have seen Meaghan “shoot baskets” a total of 2 times since October 2004, and none this decade.  In fact one of those times we were going to play 1-on-1 but on the first possession she decided she “hated dribbling” and decided she didn’t want to play.  But sure, all that basket shooting is keeping that right arm buff.  
See you all in hopefully less than 341 days.  Until then, thanks so much for the 20,290 visits, and the countless cards, emails, phone calls, tweets, FB posts, and pleasant thoughts.  They do not go unnoticed and they are always appreciated.  Amen.

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