i imagined that during my medical leave, i’d be doing a lot of writing and processing.  i think the processing is percolating, but the writing isn’t.  i don’t have the mental energy to do it.  it will come though.  i have a lot of material to work through!

i could write about menopause and insomnia, menopause and insomnia and medical marijuana, making complex decisions about staying on monthly zolodex shots or going off of them, starting another preventative infusion called zometa, joining a research study on cognitive changes after chemo and another study on ayurvedic diet and whether or not it helps with fatigue and residual side effects. or the ongoing confusion around my possible lymphedema (or what i like to call lymphedrama). i could relay stories about all the christmas cookies i ate this year to make up for lost time, how lovely it was to finish painting my childhood dollhouse with my mom during the polar vortex, and how it was exceptionally difficult to say goodbye to my grandpa. or that i’m thrilled to be joining the BAYS board to help other women. and saddened that two of my BAYS friends have been diagnosed with advanced stage IV disease and are struggling with horrible pain.  i could also share about what it’s like to go offline for a long amount of time…how it’s nice to use a glue gun and exercise the other side of my brain with arts and crafts, pulling weeds, and potting tulips. maybe i could tell you about recent breakthrough in meditation and what it feels like to just be with your breath. and that i did my first hand stand in yoga. and how behind i am on email and catching up with people, but how ok i am with that.

for now, the news is that i’m cleared for surgery by my primary and radiation oncologists and primary surgeon. it will be february 7.  i say goodbye to my port and get my new implant.  both big steps!

happy 2014 to all – xom

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