Finally: rain

The release

The sky opening, unzipping, finally, under the weight of all that heaviness

Hearing it in the distance, open notch by notch

Falling out, billowing towards me

From the horizon

To now above me

To the bath, the bathing, cleansed.

The release

of the synapse

the moment of clarity

ah-ha

when we know what’s to be lost and don’t know yet how to gain

how to secure our footing as if we ever had it

we pretended to until we woke up and saw the nakedness

of within

from without

The release

Letting go – a new years resolution she said – of perfection

Finally

What does it mean

To let go of something

I’ve never had

The intoxicating allure

Of something that never was nor will be

The release

Of grief. Grieving. Grave.

The urn, not yet ready for the ground but instead for a place in my home, overlooking the room that I sit often and wonder

In the morning sun

After the long journey

When I slowly unwrapped it from its sheath, ash on my fingers, wiped on my cheeks

The undertaker was not as careful with my Dad as I would have been

And I wash my hands outside now in the rain, my Dad, rolls slowly down the palm of my hand into the garden

Where, I like to think, he preferred to be anyway