it’s gettin hot/gout in herre…

a girl walks into a bar with her friend jamie. they drink and dance and meet an attractive guy named julian. he hits on them in a non-creepy way and compliments their dancing. they all reconnect later while getting a drink and strike up a conversation focused on careers. come to find out, he’s a doctor at ucsf. well what kind of doctor you might ask? a radiation oncologist. damn–that’s why you look so familiar, julian! you’ve seen my boobs!!!

true story. the girl is me, jamie is jamie, and julian is one of my radiation oncologists. and he has definitely seen my boobs and even touched them, marveling at my different incisions, and laughing that for exercise, i shoot baskets (do you remember that story? mike about fell out of his chair when i said i shot baskets…and he did again when i recounted the story of meeting julian).

cut to julian being mortified, melting into a puddle on the floor of ye olde beauty bar while michael jackson plays on the remix and the disco ball spins and santacon santas run rampant around us. “you can’t tell dr. fowble! oh my god, i’m so embarrassed. seriously? i am hitting on a patient. oh jeez. i gotta go. i gotta get out of here.” and so on. poor julian. most of his patients are 65+, so why would he confuse me for one of them out on a saturday night dancing?
which brings me to my second story, entitled: gout. 

what do you get when you cross menopause with vitamin c supplements and a persistent trail of red meat and red wine given my lack of will power around the holidays and a certain husband’s birthday? gout muthafockas!  i mean, seriously, what next? WHAT NEXT?!  maybe the black lung papa.

oh happy day! 

my big toe joints have been swollen and red, on like level 7 shooting pain here and there for the last month, even waking me up at night. after several consultations with my acupuncturist and some mad googling, we put it together. so what’s a girl to do? not drink alcohol and instead consume a ton of cherry juice until i get back to the doctors in january? suuurrreeeeeee. i’ll consume that cherry juice with some mulled red wine. it’s the holidays, harry. my will power is out the window, and hey, the alcohol will numb the pain, right?  i have to laugh at it all. ha ha ha. (that’s me laughing). 

the good news is…i got hit on (upward tone / question mark?). and i’m going to india and you are all amazing and have contributed so much money. and i get to eat 10 different kinds of christmas cookies made by my mom and spend christmas with whiz and mike in illinois then with family and friends in cleveland right afterwards. and i’m alive. so truly, it is a happy day.

over and out for now. please send extra prayers to my dad, grandpa and friend sarah as they all enter new and different challenges in their lives. and, congrats to carrie and kurt on the birth of braxton and ben, true christmas miracles.


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