gulp…

after 3 months of medical leave, i go back to work tomorrow. i’m nervous, sad, anxious, excited, sore, and tired. i am still limited to walking for exercise, can’t lift more than 5 pounds, and need a significant number of pillows (and ambien) to sleep…which makes me really annoying on the homefront (even whiz has been protesting).

as time does, it’s sped by and crawled by. i’ve really been working these past 3 months to live in the present. a book i just finished about your highest goal had a passage that really speaks to this,

“most of us grapple with problems of time and stress because we are seldom present. we spend our time wandering through the vast repository of the past, with its memories, things we did wrong, people we liked and didn’t like, and old loves.  guilt alternates with nostalgia for the good old days.  when we look toward the future, we’re filled with fear and anticipation of events that may never occur.  the present hardly exists for us.  our minds dwell in these other modes, and we miss life…time isn’t the problem: the way we approach it is.  if we can stay focused in the present, in the eternal now, the grace of the present will open up possibilities for us.”
instead of stressing about my alarm clock tomorrow or an overwhelming inbox, i’m focused on the comfort of the couch, cozy pajamas, and a pot cookie from the dispensary.  
what’s in your eternal now?
talk with you soon,xom

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