The unsatisfying

Lack of closure

That comes from

Being killed in an instant

Heart attack

Brain aneurysm

Car crash

Catastrophe

Leaving without saying goodbye

So many things unsaid, undone, unknown

But I’ve seen the other side of this

The long goodbye

Over years, nearly a decade

The daily murmurings and gratitudes shared

crescendos approaching this procedure or that chemo regimen

The what-you-mean-to-me letters written and read just in case

The long, drawn-out hugs before driving to the airport and at the airport

The wave and nod back over my shoulder, this time my left shoulder, in three months my right shoulder

The one dark afternoon snuggled up hearing about his wishes for me

The marathon of a life with disease that toys with being fast growing and slow growing all in the same day

So many things said, done, known

And, to have learned, it’s never enough

There’s always more

We always want more